Writing books on grief, mental health, and trauma can be a tricky thing when it comes to earning money. We all need to pay the bills somehow, and many of us wish to do so by pursuing something we’re passionate about. But what if we’re passionate about telling our grief story (me)? What if we want to help others write about their own traumas with grief and mental health (also me)? It’s important to contemplate what it really means to make money—or even a living—off of our trauma.
First of all, we need to think about why we’re doing that work that we do. Why do you want to write a book about your struggles with mental health, your loss of a loved one, or another traumatic experience? Perhaps all of the trauma is welling up inside you, and writing is the only way to get it out. Maybe you’re concerned that what happened to you will happen to someone else, and sharing your story may do something to prevent that. You could be trying to reach other people who have had similar experiences to yours, to let them know that they’re not alone. Maybe you wish to bring awareness to a bigger issue.
Or, maybe you really do just want to write a bestseller and make lots of money. Is there something inherently wrong with that? Not necessarily. I’m not the absolute authority on this matter, but you have a right to handle your trauma as you wish. When others are involved, it becomes a little more complicated. Don’t try to own or dramatize the trauma of other people in your life for the sake of your potential bestselling book. That’s where it gets exploitative. If you have shared trauma with someone, tell it from your point of view, how you remembered it. The close people in your life will always be crucial in your narrative, but don’t forget to depict them in the context of your story. If they wish to share their perspective, that’s their choice.
This path of thought may lead you to decide to write fiction instead, and that’s okay too. Fictionalizing your memoir can help better anonymize you and the people you love and give you creative license to change identifying places, events, and plot points. You can even use fiction to explore other ways your story may have gone. Make sure, of course, that none of your characters are too identifiable, otherwise, someone may not be happy with the way they believe they were depicted.
Some successful writers I believe do excellent work in writing about their grief, mental health, and trauma are Nora McInerny, Jenny Lawson, Mary Karr, and David Sedaris. Nora McInerny’s entire brand is centered around grief and traumatic experiences, which obviously didn’t happen intentionally. After her father, husband, and expected infant all died in the same year, McInerny started a nonprofit called “Still Kickin’” to help people experiencing difficult life events. This spiraled into writing a book (followed eventually by two more) and starting a podcast where she interviews people who have experienced awful things. You could easily say that she profits off of tragedy, given the success of her books and sponsorships of her podcast. But she’s doing so much more; she’s starting conversations about the ugliest, saddest parts of life that most people don’t want to openly discuss. She’s created a community for people suffering loss and fostered humor even around some of the darkest subjects.
Jenny Lawson has done something similar with her books. She’s written three hilarious books that discuss her challenges with mental illness, the most recent of which—Broken (in the Best Possible Way)—embraces the community that her first two books formed. Lawson’s work developed a wide group of readers who could, for the first time, not feel ashamed of their introverted tendencies, intrusive thoughts, or crippling social anxiety. By just putting herself entirely “out there,” she was able to bring people together.
The impact of Mary Karr and David Sedaris’s writings on grief and trauma is more about the craft itself. Karr has written three memoirs, the first being The Liars’ Club, where she depicts an unconventional, difficult childhood. She manages to capture her younger voice as well as her mother’s and sister’s so authentically that you trust her completely. Her carefully crafted sentences are consistent throughout all of her books in a way that the reader knows that this story was just begging to be told.
David Sedaris is authentic in a slightly different way. He’s simply honest about his feelings and failings, even if they might place him in a negative light. In his book Calypso, Sedaris writes about the last time he saw his sister Tiffany before she committed (his preferred language, not mine) suicide. After four years of not speaking to each other, she’d come to one of his readings and tried to see him backstage. Instead of greeting her, he slammed the stage door in her face. So, yes, Sedaris is one of the most successful personal essayists working today; this is mostly thanks to his humor, but also for his honesty about his own shortcomings.
So, should we profit off our trauma? I don’t think most of us set about doing so, not that it can’t be one reason for writing a memoir. If you possess the strength to truly examine your most devastating moments, it can definitely feel worthwhile to be compensated for it. But more importantly, think about your “why,” what kind of social impact you’re trying to make, and who you’re trying to reach. Think about how genuinely and honestly you are telling your story from your perspective. Try to keep asking yourself these thought-provoking questions throughout the writing and publication processes, and your vision should become clearer.
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Featured Photo by Reynaldo #brigworkz Brigantty.
Hanna Etu 