Publishing your book—putting it out into the market—involves talking about your book, a lot. For some writers this comes easily. For most writers, because we tend to lean more introverted (or at least the solo type), this does not come easily. However, being able to discuss your own personal story after publishing your memoir is a particular kind of talent that requires practice, discipline, and mindfulness.
The first mindset shift you will need to grasp is that once your work is public, your story is not entirely yours anymore. By copyright it is, of course, but the interpretations, meaning, and emotions evoked from it will all be special to the individual reader. People will see themselves in you (or other characters in your book) and relate the narratives to their own experiences. Through this process, your story becomes universal and beloved, but it also takes on new ownership. It belongs to your readers in whatever meaning it holds for them.
What does this mean for you, the writer? You need to be able to step back from the writing and understand that your story has taken on a level of collective ownership, that anything that has been published is open for public discussion and/or interpretation. This is a good albeit challenging thing for any writer, but especially challenging for memoir writers because people will make assumptions about your own life. If you carry anxiety about how you or your book are being perceived at this stage, this part of the process is about how you decide to think about and respond to it.
Before your work is published—before any readings, speaking events, publication parties, etc.—get clear with yourself about what in your life will be public and what will remain private. There may be questions about your stories that involve details you left out for your own (or others’) personal privacy. Know where your line is before the questions are asked; because, for readers, there will not be one. You may be openly discussing events that are re-traumatizing, and your audience can sometimes forget that. Mentally prepare yourself for the personal questions and how you will answer them.
As you do mentally prepare, try as best as you can to learn how to laugh at yourself. The more we can laugh and self-depreciate, the more comfortable we become with being vulnerable and self-aware in front of others, particularly strangers. We’re not always writing about topics that are easy to laugh at, but in most cases, we are able to find wit in how we communicate about them. Don’t force it, but try to find the humor that brings comfort and ease with how you communicate about difficult subject matter with people you’ve never met. It will help.
The last personal aspect I’ll point out here is to assess with yourself if you believe your readers may make any assumptions about your public persona based on your writing, and if this is of any concern to you. Some people let others’ opinions and perceptions roll off of them. But many of us in the creative fields are hyper aware of how we are perceived. It’s best to internally reflect on our own personal insecurities that could impact what we might predict for ourselves and our audience in this particular situation. Remember that the act of publishing a memoir itself is a courageous and vulnerable act that most of your audience is not and will not be capable of accomplishing. Not to mention, if they are communicating with you (in person, on the internet, or otherwise), they took the time to read your work. Regardless of whether or not they end up liking the book (or liking you), the reader taking the time to communicate with the writer is a reflection on the impact of your words.
Speaking practically, set yourself straight when it comes to any legal precautions you have taken in telling your story. If there are pseudonyms utilized throughout the book to protect yourself and/or others, get used to using them in conversation. If there are stories in your memoir that had to be written in a specific way for legal reasons, consult with proper legal counsel before discussing these stories in public. Were there certain terms that needed to be avoided? Any content that had to be cut from the book before it went to print? Pay attention to these in advance to protect yourself.
Moving outward and bringing this back to the bigger discussion on marketing, remember what the overall message of your book is. Readers will likely want to dig into little details and interesting little anecdotes, which will lead to fun discussions. But do not lose sight of the goal you set out for the book, who and what you are representing (you, your publisher, and your product), and your overall mission for the entire project. Certainly, discuss the little elements and see where those conversations evolve, but always remember why you wrote the book and why you decided to publish it. This will keep you talking about all of the things that deeply matter to you, and your readers will see that.
If you’d like further guidance with getting your book written, published, or marketed to your audience, please feel free to contact me as I am currently taking book coaching clients.
Please also check out my free workbook on How to Market Your Memoir for a quick head start on helping get your memoir out into the hands of your readers.
Featured photo by Kaboompics.com.
Hanna Etu 