We Are Not Okay: Sustaining Creativity in Uncertain Times

The job of a content creator is to provide a regular schedule of useful, consistent content. It’s something I’ve clearly struggled with in the last year or so, and aim to improve on this year. However, what I have noticed in many other creators is the ability or perhaps perceived duty to stay uncontroversial. Stay in your lane. Don’t offend your audience for fear of losing business or interest. When I’m on the consumer side of this scenario, this comes off as tone deaf, oblivious, or even insensitive to those most vulnerable in our communities.

As a creator, it feels irresponsible, reckless even, to not acknowledge the impact of current events, especially this past week, on everyone’s (let alone my customer’s) professional, creative, and financial decisions. Your everyday safety and financial stability contingent on a functioning democracy immensely impact your ability to work, let alone be creative.

You’ll hear, over and over again, that’s it’s more important, now more than ever, to be creating. To be writing. To be speaking your mind. To take action. To make art. It’s our lifeblood right now. You might feel a sense of obligation or even guilt tied to this. But you’re probably thinking something like, my very existence as a person is being put into question. My bodily autonomy is being ripped away from me. My life, my friends’ lives, or both could be in serious danger for the next four years. I’m not exactly feeling fucking prolific right now.

That is okay. That is absolutely okay in this Not Okay World we are living in right now.

Persisting some days may look like writing a social media blast to your followers, or reflecting on a moment in your life you want to see published in the world. It may look expressive, articulate, even palatable. Some days it may look like one of mine earlier this week; I called my local representative to request he vote “no” on a bill he’d previously voted “yes” on. But, if we’re being honest, most days it will look like ordering dinner in and watching Netflix; going to your local science museum; watering your virtual plants in an online video game; or simply staying in bed.

Yes, we must keep writing and we must keep making art, and no, we cannot lose momentum. But we cannot get burned out either. We cannot become so overwhelmed by the barrage of bad news and rotten bigots coming out of the woodwork that we hole up with our phones and pets and substances and cry for the next four years. There’s a balance between staying informed, getting involved, and giving ourselves the rest we need to continue that we’re all going to need to figure out individually.

I will continue to roll out blog content this year, starting with discussions about marketing your memoir, a task you can start while you’re still in the process of writing it. Learning how to market our own books, but especially our memoirs, is a space for constant growth. If the recent TikTok outage (remember that?) is any indication, the online marketing landscape is forever in flux. I will be launching a free resource in tandem with this content, so keep an eye out for that as well.

When you’ve done enough resting, resisting, and commiserating, and you are ready to write again, I’ll be here, ready to help.

For more information about my coaching services, please check out my services page or contact me at hanna@hannaetu.com.

Photo by Luis Quintero.

My Journey to Earning a Krav Maga Black Belt

Since it’s been a while (again), I should tell you where I’ve been. For the last six to twelve months or so, I’ve been training intensely for my Krav Maga black belt test—a routine that largely consisted of endurance training (running), weight lifting, and tons of reps. Finally, on August 10, I passed my black belt test. Though the accomplishment still feels incredibly surreal—I still can’t comprehend how I survived the test—this isn’t an achievement I take lightly. I have taken the time to celebrate and acknowledge that I put in the work to earn something not many people will accomplish in their lifetimes. I’m not one to comfortably pat myself on the back; I tend to require validation from others to confirm my talents and “worthiness.” So, to have something I know I worked towards and can now physically hold in my hands is a satisfying, tangible level of success.

For anyone curious about the test, or actually training in Krav Maga in general, I’ll describe the test as best I can without giving too much away. Krav Maga is a reality-based martial art developed by the IDF that combines elements of MMA, judo, BJJ, karate, etc. It’s entirely designed for survival in reality settings, not at all for competition or performance. For that reason, the finer details of the test are kept secret from the individuals testing, to keep them as on their toes as possible. You need to prove you are ready for any scenario.

The test itself is approximately six hours, with short breaks throughout. The first part is a sequence of demonstrations of every single technique we’ve learned, starting from level one through level three. This seems easy, but it’s actually the hardest part, because everything must be pitch perfect. Following this, there are some conditioning exercises and some sparring, followed by running about a mile with a weighted bag while fending off attacks from classmates.

Admittedly, things get a bit fuzzy as I remember when I reached a point essentially where my soul left my body; I had to dissociate from the exhaustion to be able to endure the rest of it. There are several sections of defending various attacks (some with weapons, some not) while faced with an impediment of some sort (weighted vest, elevation mask, etc.). Next, more running with weighted bags and more sparring, but this time, live sparring, not kickboxing. Live sparring means anything goes, fight until elimination. Not my strong suit, as a people pleaser!

The rest of the test was largely more of the same; repetition of attacks over and over again. At some point, it was less about me proving that I knew the techniques but more so showing that I would not give up. But what is any art, if not practice, repetition, and perseverance? Our final stretch involved a cooperative effort of pushing/pulling a weight a large distance, and as soon as we got back to where we started, the test would be over. It seemed so simple a concept, though in practice, it felt impossible given how far I’d pushed my body that day.

Finishing your book can feel completely impossible. Sitting down and getting any bit of writing done might feel impossible for many writers. But it starts with practice, repetition, and perseverance. When my black belt was tied around my waist for the first time, I knew my work was not done, and it wasn’t perfect (believe me, we’ll be discussing it). But I know my hard work earned this major milestone—every morning I got up early to run when I desperately didn’t want to, every evening I stayed late to practice the same techiques over and over again. Your work might not be perfect, but if you don’t put in the work to start with, you’ll never see the results.

So, that’s my takeaway for now. I’m taking some time off training for my body to recover and to focus more on my business. However, in the coming year I would like to get back into black belt training to advance my skills, perhaps towards a first degree, second degree, etc. I’ll be getting back to weekly content that will hopefully be interesting to you. If you’d like to hear more about my experiences with Krav Maga, please hit me up on my contact form and sign up for email updates to stay in touch!

Images by Alex Baker/Spar Self Defense.

Certified!

It’s been a while since I’ve posted new content here. This has been for a number of reasons, largely that I was working dilligently on my book coaching certification and [continue to] train for my black belt test in Krav Maga, which will be in August. Both of these are monumental tasks for very different reasons, and every day I remember not to take them lightly.

I submitted my certification application to Author Accelerator promptly after the new year, and received a response about four weeks later. While most of my work was praised for my no nonsense but kind approach, there were a few sections where I simply did not meet the mark. I was not stepping into my authority as a book coach in some areas. I knew my stuff, but I needed to show it by being firm and pushing for more effort from the writer to produce the work we were capable of improving together.

This was, for me—the straight A student riddled with imposter syndrome—a tough blow. Was I not cut out to be a book coach? Was I too much of a pushover? I’d put everything into my editorial feedback, what if I couldn’t figure out what was missing? What if I revised my work, and it came back again?

We all know these thought patterns are mostly irrational and destructive, even while we’re having them. But it doesn’t necessarily make them easy to avoid. Why I’m writing about this moment of self doubt (that so directly relates to my business and credibility) is because it’s another example of failure teaching me that there is always room for improvement. Even if we meet our quota, run out of time, or just “feel” finished, we never stop learning how to be and do better. There’s danger in perfectionism, certainly, but there’s danger in complacency, too. I had, like when I failed my belt midterm (twice), become too content with where I was and not allowed myself room to keep growing.

Once the wallowing was over, it was time to turn the computer back on and get to work. I opened up each of the documents that needed revising, reread the feedback email, and started pouring over my work. It was immediately clear to me where I’d gone wrong. I deleted wishy washy language, picked up on places where I should have pushed a little harder, and provided more in-depth feedback.

But I wasn’t done. I cycled through reoccurring waves of imposter syndrome over the following weeks, hopping back into the documents here and there to tweak my comments, adding things in, changing my word choices, and whining to anyone who would (or wouldn’t) listen about my anxiety that whatever I did wouldn’t be enough. That I didn’t have what it took to be a certified book coach.

Failure and redemption aren’t linear. Needless to say, after my hemming and hawing, resubmitting my application, and weeks of anxious email refreshing, the news was in. My revised work met the high standards for certification with Author Accelerator. I am now an Author Accelerator-certified book coach in nonfiction and memoir!

It took me much longer than I expected to get here, but I’m deeply proud of the work I put in and honored to be part of such a rigorous and prestigious program. I’ll have more to say in the weeks and months to come, but for now, know that I have more to offer than ever before, and will continue to learn to best serve clients in the years to come. I’m working on announcing some updated intro offerings for new clients but feel free to check out my services page in the meantime.

(Rough) Copyright/Permission Basics for Writers

Disclaimer: None of this should be mistaken for legal advice. When you are publishing your book and are in any doubt about the legal consequences of your work, please consult with a copyright lawyer.

For three years, I worked for a medium-sized publishing company as, among other roles, a permissions editor. So, while I wouldn’t consider myself anywhere near an expert on all things copyright and permissions, I have done my fair share of digging for sources, emailing estates, calling rights holders, etc. There are a few basic things every writer should know, especially if you haven’t started writing your book yet. I think going into the process knowing what the challenges are can better set your expectations before getting attached to any outside material you happen to include.

I’m going to state the obvious here: just because somebody posted it on the internet does not mean it’s safe to print. The internet is extremely vast and difficult to regulate when it comes to copying images and text. Unless you find the image on a reputable news source, website, or blog, it’s likely the poster did not get permission for the image either. (In case you’re wondering, I get most of the images for my posts from a royalty-free/copyright-free, stock photo site called Pexels.)

Again, the obvious: just because it’s on Wikipedia does not mean that it’s safe to print. In most cases, the images on Wikipedia are either in the public domain or shared via a Creative Commons license (which usually involves a specific credit line when reusing the work). However, it’s best to still do your own research into the photo to make sure it is not copyright protected somewhere else.

Backing up a bit, what is the public domain? Per Stanford Libraries, public domain “refers to creative materials that are not protected by intellectual property laws such as copyright, trademark, or patent laws. The public owns these works, not an individual author or artist. Anyone can use a public domain work without obtaining permission, but no one can ever own it.” Anything from 1927 or earlier is considered public domain, and every year on January 1, work from another year moves into public domain (in 2024, it will be 1928; in 2025, 1929; etc.). Public works by government entities/organizations (such as NASA, Department of Defense, etc.) are also considered public domain.

There are a few oddities, of course. Much of Emily Dickinson’s work was published posthumously, so some of her work is in the public domain, and some not. Obviously, any government documents/images/etc. that you may be privy to that are not public cannot be published without permission.

What about fair use? Fair use is always a tricky, loose term to me, and I tend to stay away from it. A basic principle I operated by when working in publishing was “anything below ten percent” if the author was quoting from a shorter piece. Ten percent of an article could be a few sentences or a paragraph (pretty standard). However, ten percent of a book would be a totally different story. A couple paragraphs, sure, but an entire chapter? Not fair use. You can see how this gets sticky very quickly. Your best bet always is to attempt to get permission for use. People are usually flattered that you want to feature their work in your book, not to mention the fact that you’ve made a new connection. If they don’t request payment, offer to send them a complimentary copy of your book upon publication.

What about famous quotes or lyrics? I cannot stress this enough, if you are using a famous quote, please make sure that you are accurately crediting the person who said it and how they said it. Doing a few minutes of research and learning that something wasn’t said the way you thought or was actually first said by somebody else can greatly enhance your credibility as a writer. Do not forget, when crediting anything (image, quote, text, etc.) to cite the source, either in the house style of your publisher or in the credit line requested by the rights holder when you received permission.

When it comes to lyrics, you’re almost always better off removing them than keeping them in the book. Lyrics are heavily protected by copyright and need permission to be reprinted no matter what. I have been through the process of attaining permission for a short song lyric and, in my opinion, it was more expensive to use than it was worth.

At the end of the day, the big questions to ask yourself are, how does this outside material—be it a photo, section of text, or other graphic—serve my book? How would my book be negatively impacted without the presence of this material? Is there something in the public domain that could easily replace it? Would anyone reading the book get to that part and think, “man, I wish I could see an image of X right now”? I ask all of these questions with sincerity. If something is absolutely essential to put in your book, you can find a way to make it happen. But you have to understand the work involved.

Featured photo by Sora Shimazaki.

Is It the Right Time to Write My Memoir? Asking the Right Questions

I am a proponent of writing whenever you can, whenever inspiration strikes, regardless if any of it becomes useful later on. But when it comes to writing a book with the goal of being published, particularly when that book is a memoir, there are some critical questions to first ask yourself.

Why am I writing It?

This is the very first question you should address with yourself when setting out to write a book-length memoir for publication. Are you writing your book as a therapeutic exercise, to work out all of the traumas you’ve dealt with in your life? Are you writing because you think you have an interesting story to tell? Do you have a person or system you are seeking to expose? If you are writing more for therapy or simply to dish out an interesting story, this is something you’re writing for yourself, which is great, but not something you want to try to publish. If you want this to be marketable, it needs to bring in the reader in some way.

Similarly, you have to be conscious of your intentions when writing to expose someone or something. If you’re writing purely out of anger and hurt with no distance from the pain caused by whatever you’re writing about, it’s not likely you will be able to write something with the reader in mind.

Do you want to help someone who may be going through the same things you did and/or use your experience to teach others? You may be ready to write a book for the market. However, you need to know exactly what chunk of time you’re focusing on, how you are going to connect with your reader, and how you will show your internal/external growth throughout the course of the book.

Does it need to be published to meet my goals?

As I discussed above, sometimes our objectives for writing a memoir do not actually line up with publication (and that’s okay). It’s important to realize early on if the book you’re writing is even something you should make the effort of trying to have published. If you need your story to reach other people with similar experiences, and you want to give other people strategies for coping with those experiences, publication is probably going to be a step on the way to meeting your goal. If you want to tell your life story for your descendants to read to understand the family history, publication probably isn’t essential to achieving your goal.

Will I bring harm to myself or others by writing this book?

This is crucial to think about when writing a memoir. I’ve said it before and will say it again: do not force yourself to write about triggering memories. Getting the words on the page should serve you and your readers but never at the cost of your own health.

Additionally, memoir usually involves depicting people in our lives in ways they may not necessarily appreciate. Do you think this person may lash out or be saddened by what you write, potentially risking your relationship? Is this a relationship you want to protect, or a dangerous one you are trying to get away from? Deeply consider your relationships with those individuals before deciding to publish something that involves their stories and know your legal rights if you do.

Do I have the time to commit to making this book the very best it can be?

This is a general principle when writing any book. You need to be aware that the writing, editing, publishing, and marketing processes are going to take far longer than you would expect. This is typical and (usually) worth it. Be ready to set aside the time to get the real work done.

Am I open to being criticized about my own story?

Again, crucial. Once your writing is out there, your story isn’t just yours anymore. It’s a body of work, and open for critique just like any novel or nonfiction book. You have to be ready to stomach editorial feedback, book reviews, and reader comments about your writing on things that actually happened in your life. It’s not for everyone.

Am I ready to talk publicly about what happened to me?

Being published means selling and marketing your book, which means talking about your book a lot. Sure, maybe it was okay writing it all out of your system and even getting editorial feedback, but talking about it to large crowds of people? In podcast interviews? To random colleagues and friends who bought your book to support you?

My key point in asking you all of these questions is not to discourage you from writing your memoir. If you feel called to write about something, write it. But there are major differences between writing about your life for personal reasons and writing about it for the ever-changing market of publishing. Knowing the difference can distinguish between you writing a memoir that nobody will publish versus a memoir that agents will want to pick up.

If you’re interested in personalized coaching on writing your memoir and/or getting your memoir published, you can contact me for a free thirty-minute consultation.

Featured photo by Giallo.

How to Stay Inspired When Words Run Dry

I’ve discussed in the past how to get out of a rut when writer’s block is keeping you down or how to get writing when you’re not sure how to get started—the answer is disappointing. Just keep writing. But what about when you’re just not sure what to write about? Maybe you’ve mapped out the most critical scenes, but they’re just not connecting to form a larger narrative, or you know there is more to write, but you cannot remember all of the important details to include.

I am primarily a memoir writer, so most of my strategies come from that perspective. However, I imagine some of these suggestions could be translated to finding inspiration for poetry or fiction. Memoir is one of the most challenging formats to write because it can force you to recall some of the most difficult memories in your life but also opens you to criticism of your story when it couldn’t be more personal. Be careful when you mine for inspiration that you don’t trigger negative emotions that could prevent you from writing or simply functioning in your everyday life.

The first strategy I would recommend, before anything else, is to take a look at your book’s structure. Do you have a table of contents or a basic outline, or are you more of a pantser? Admittedly, I have always been more of a pantser myself and my momentum will inevitably run me right into a wall. You have to know, at minimum, your memoir’s central objective, what problem you are facing, how you will be transformed by the end, and the journey it took to get there. Basic stuff, right? It would seem so, but spelling this out makes it so much easier to keep yourself knowing exactly what you need to write about next.

As I said, I am still working on structure in my own writing and have learned how to coach structure from people who have already explained it far better than I can. Jennie Nash, founder of Author Accelerator (where I am earning my book coaching certification) just released Blueprint for a Memoir. I would also recommend looking into the wisdom of Mary Karr, Beth Kephardt, and Marion Roach Smith.

What else do I do to get inspired? I have a tendency to hold on to everything, so every once in a while, I open up one of the boxes in storage and pull out my old diaries from growing up. Between the “very important” discussions of which boys I was crushing on, I can find some memories of playing (but usually fighting) with my brothers, being stuck in my room for “talking back,” or my real-time reactions to historical events like 9/11. Even if I don’t find any usable memories for the story I was trying to tell, it still helps to get a little glimpse back in time to your younger voice, in the event you need to write from that perspective in your work.

Sometimes just looking at some old photographs can spark a memory in you. Maybe they’re in a box in the attic or a photo album at a relative’s house. With social media constantly reminding us of what we were doing ten years ago, that can sometimes bring back events we forgot ever happened.

If you’re close to the people in your life involved in some of the stories you’re writing, ask them what they remember about a person or event. I would caution you to write everything you remember first, otherwise you may get confused as to who remembered what. Your memoir is always your story first.

These probably all seem like obvious suggestions, but sometimes when we’re feeling uninspired, we can easily lose sight of the obvious and succumb to the allure of the internet before opening our cringey old writings or embarrassing photo albums. You can also just try getting out somewhere you’ve never been before (or haven’t been in a while), be it a restaurant, shop, café, museum, etc. You never know when a particular smell, song, or taste may remind you of something you’ve long since forgotten.

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Featured photo by Thiago José Amaral.

Things to Consider When Writing about Mental Health (Yours and Others)

Reflecting on your own mental health through writing is a monumental task, especially if your goal is to publish your work. Exposing your deep internal struggles and pain is a true act of courage and can come with its own set of consequences. Writers of memoir generally need to be prepared for the potential consequences of publishing their writing. Will your readers trust you if you identify with a diagnostic label? What if your writing does not reflect on your mental health, but how someone else’s mental illness or mental health experience/trauma impacted you?

Today I’d like to talk about a few things to consider when writing/publishing writing about mental health, whether you’re discussing your own mental health experiences or those of someone else in your life. These are merely my opinions, but come from my experience in creative writing, coaching, and working with other writers in the community.

1. First and foremost, think deeply about your timing. Am I ready to tell this story? Will I be triggering myself every time I sit down to write it? Do I have enough distance from the events/feelings I will be discussing to write objectively and withstand criticism from any beta readers or editors I ask to read the book?

You may be feeling an urgent need to get your thoughts and feelings to paper. Maybe something horrifically unjust happened and you want everyone to know, or you have so much welled up inside that you just need to write it down. All of that is completely valid. But ask yourself if you are ready for the rigorous process of writing and revising a book. Are you ready to relive these experiences until they’ve been crafted perfectly for your ideal reader? If not, there’s nothing wrong with writing these memories down in a journal, and waiting until some time has passed.

2. Be conscious of the language you are using. Many people suffering from mental illness find words like “crazy,” “nuts,” “insane,” or “cuckoo” to be incredibly hurtful. That’s not to say that you cannot or should not utilize these words in your writing; in fact, if using these words humorously in reference to yourself is empowering, even satisfying, then by all means use them. But it’s important to be intentional in how you’re using them. Be very careful when labeling other people with these kinds of terms. Words like “crazy” or “nuts” have been historically used to exploit and harm the mentally ill and you should be conscious that it may be harmful or triggering to your reader to read these words when discussing other people.

Some of us may have been maliciously bullied with these terms or even had more diagnostic labels weaponized against us. Saying things offhandedly like “I’m so OCD” or “he must have been psychotic” can not only be insensitive, but ignorant. This leads into my next point.

3. Do not pretend to be/speak as an authority if you do not have the training/evidence to back up your claims. If you’re going to speak on clinical matters such as medication and diagnostic labels, your reader will want to see that you either have the medical expertise or have done the necessary research to substantiate your argument. If you’re speaking purely from your own dealings with the mental health system and your traumas with it, be up front about this. It’s important to speak with authenticity.

Medications and diagnosis are two major parts of some people’s treatment and others’ harm. As someone who is medicated for depression and anxiety, I can write about the side effects I experienced from different medications I was prescribed. However, I am a writer, not a practicing doctor, so I’m not going to tell my reader what medications they should or shouldn’t take. Writers are always taught to show, not tell, and this is important here. Show your reader the effects of your medications, diagnostic labeling, treatment, etc. The reader will feel closer to you—their narrator—for it.

4. If you are writing about someone else’s mental illness’s impact on your own life, make them aware that you are writing about them and get their permission (if possible). I wouldn’t advise this in situations of past abuse or any other scenario that would put you, the writer, in an unsafe position. This again though would go back to the lesson on timing. If this is a fraught relationship, this person is still around, and they would be unhappy to be publicly portrayed, is this something you should be publishing right now? Remember, there’s no harm in writing it down and revisiting publication down the road.

If this person is deceased or is otherwise unable to give you permission to write about them, I would advise you to still make any others who may be impacted by the publication of the book aware before publication. You wouldn’t necessarily need permission if you have written your narrative appropriately to avoid defamation or libel suits but this is just good practice in any (safe) scenario. In any situation in which you are sending the text itself to be approved by someone in your life, send it in the very late stages of the editing/publishing process, so they are aware of how serious you are about publishing the story.

5. Take care of yourself. These are heavy topics, whether we’re discussing our own mental health or not. It takes discipline, patience, and a strong heart to relive difficult memories. If this writing causes you pain but you are determined to see it through, you must allow yourself time to rest. Strategies to reset your brain, such as taking a hot shower, watching a comedy special, walking around the block, etc., are critical to your writing’s success. You don’t want to get so deep into the traumatic memories and emotions that you can’t find your way out. Establish a support and care strategy, whatever it might be.

Similar to last week, I feel this list is not exhaustive. I’m only covering the basics here in what people should be aware of when writing about mental health topics. I would really appreciate feedback/comments on what others think should be on this list (or if you have differing opinions about what I’ve shared) and I would discuss this in a future post.

If you’re working on a book and need professional support, please check out the services I’m offering, currently at discounted rates for new clients.

Featured photo by Lisa Fotios.

Why We Need to Keep Writing (and Reading) about Mental Health

I would hope most people reading this already know how important this topic is. With that said, my discussion may not cover all of the reasons you personally would include; so I encourage you to continue the discussion in the comments. My purpose here is to one, help those of you who don’t yet understand why writing and reading about mental health is so critical; and two, to encourage you to write about your own experiences if you have a story of your own to tell.

In the weekly HerStory memoir-writing workshop I attend we talk about a concept called “The Stranger Reader.” The Stranger Reader is this concept of any random person reading your book from a completely different perspective from yours. The idea is that you should always write with the “Stranger Reader” in mind, understanding that there will always be someone reading your book who thinks differently than you do. What are you going to do to change their mind? How will you use your experience to connect with someone different than you?

I believe this imaginary person is the number one reason to keep writing about mental health and our traumatic experiences with it. We cannot assume that everyone has either experienced what we have, or known someone who has. A significant reason our mental health system is so deeply flawed, in my opinion, is because not enough people really understand (or care) about what people actually experience.

What do you mean? You might be asking. I care. Sure, but do you care when your colleague is being forced medications at an involuntary hold at a psych ward? Do you care when your loved one is too anxious to make your lunch date? Do you care when a stranger is shouting in public at voices nobody else can hear? Do you really care? I’m ashamed to say I haven’t always been the one to care, either.

This has to change. So many people continue to be victimized by our mental health system by varying degrees—whether it’s through forced treatment, lack of treatment, or outdated, harmful treatment—and we either pretend not to or refuse to see it. Our “stranger reader” continues, even today, to stigmatize those of us labeled with mental health diagnosis and therefore find us less credible. Those of us who have experienced trauma at the hands of our mental illness or the mental health system must continue to write to expose the hard truths and injustices people around us suffer from every day. Those of us who haven’t need to sit down and read from writers who challenge our preexisting beliefs about mental health.

Our writing on mental health also needs to reach other people suffering from similar trauma. Depression (amongst other things) tricks you into believing, regardless of what people around you tell you (professionals, loved ones, relatives), that you are alone in what you’re feeling. The more we normalize these experiences and provide various unique perspectives that may relate better to one person over another, the more people will feel understood and in solidarity with one another.

Putting these traumas in writing actualizes them, keeps them from being erased from history, from memory. We cannot control if people will ignore them, but they’re immortalized once committed to the page.

For stories of people victimized by the mental health system, please check out Madwomen in the Attic. For stories of people affected by mental illness, you can check out blogs such as The Mighty or The Mental Illness Happy Hour blog.

Full disclosure, I wrote this while my own mental energy was not at one hundred percent. I’ve only scratched the surface of this conversation. I’d love for this to be a collaborative discussion. If you have thoughts to add or other blogs/writings you think people should check out, please use the comments section or email me at hanna@hannaetu.com and I can follow up in another post in the future.

Featured photo from Vie Studio.

Five Ways to (Not) Be a Difficult Author (and How Your Book Coach Can Help)

When you have worked in (or adjacent to) the publishing industry, you experience all varieties of writers. After working in an editorial department, I’ve found that the majority of authors are gracious people who are thankful for the work you’re doing to bring their book to life. But alongside the kind writers are the much louder minority of authors who can make the book publishing process a living hell for editors, production managers, designers, and marketers alike.

You might be thinking, but how do I stand up for myself and my book if things aren’t going my way? Just like anywhere else in life, being critical and being respectful aren’t mutually exclusive. Maintaining a positive, fruitful relationship with the publishing professionals in your circle is key to you and your book’s success.

Let’s examine the five most common ways authors may behave poorly and how you and your book coach can get you out of these traps should you find yourself moving in any of these directions.

1. You’re not open to edits.

It’s natural to feel protective of your words. You spent a great deal of time and thought developing them only for someone to start finding issues all over the place. Remember, we are all human and everyone makes mistakes. The editor’s job is to help your writing be the best it can be, not to impose on your vision.

An author who is unreceptive to edits is an editor’s nightmare, even more so for an independent contractor (as opposed to an in-house editor). Why pay someone to improve your work if you did not actually want to make any changes to it in the first place?

If you are having a hard time being edited in general, especially developmental or line-editing, reflect with your book coach on the message or main “point” of your book. Define it, write it out, read it a few times if you have to. Then look at the edits in front of you. Are they infringing upon or are they supporting your message?

2. You’re unwilling to invest in your book’s success.

What does investing in your book’s success look like? It could mean anything like paying for an editor, sensitivity reader, book coach, marketing, or even paying the legal costs of material used in the book. Many new writers truly do not have the money to pay for all of the ideal services and costs needed to make their books optimally successful, and that’s just a fact. But when you do have that money and choose not to spend it, you’re missing out on the vital expertise of professionals who know writing, publishing, and marketing better than you do. The best work is not done for free. If you are in a position to be paying a book coach, discuss with them which kinds of services are worth paying for; for example, paying a sensitivity reader may be more valuable than paying for a web designer. Investing in your book’s success means taking yourself and your work seriously.

3. You have higher than reasonable expectations of your publisher, editor, or agent.

The gap between publishers and their authors continues to widen, much to the detriment of new authors. This is not at all the fault of new authors but merely a result of a constantly changing, competitive market. Acquiring editors no longer have the time to foster close relationships with their authors, which results in a great deal of confusion and resentment over what the author’s responsibilities are versus the publisher’s. Many new authors, still harboring this false belief in an older system, will question the publisher at every stage (“how many copies have sold?” “Why isn’t the book selling?” “What do you need me to do?”) and feel dejected with the little to no answers they receive.

The book coaching profession was actually born out of this growing gap. A book coach can help the writer understand their role in marketing the book, help them develop a marketing plan, and understand their responsibilities post-publication. On the back end, the book coach can help craft a pitch plan, make developmental edits, and give the writer a better understanding of the publisher’s expectations when revising their book.

4. You expect your book to sell itself.

It’s a common misconception among some authors that once the book is published and out into the world, their work is done. Sadly, writing cannot make millions on quality alone. We all know there are plenty of well-written books that didn’t sell well and even more terribly-written books that sold incredibly well. In the former case, it can be about who you are or who you know. Most of us are not that well connected, and we cannot count on our publisher to be, either. Book publishing is, more than ever, a highly saturated market and you have to figure out a way to make your book stand out. This of course starts with an established author platform and a solid marketing plan. As I’ve already discussed, a book coach can help you through this process as well as help you assess the commercial viability of your book before you even get started.

5. You call your editor, agent, publicist, or coach 24/7.

This one comes from personal experience; when I was an editorial assistant, there were certain authors who responded to every email with a phone call. Some went into panic mode if nobody in the office picked up their calls.

It’s no secret that the folks attracted to working in the publishing/editing business tend to be introverts, meaning phone calls expend a significant amount of their energy. Professionals understand that phone calls are a direct way to discuss issues that are difficult to explain in writing. However, it’s important to remember that their time is valuable, and unscheduled phone calls can significantly derail someone’s productivity. Your professional relationship with your book coach will involve regularly scheduled phone calls but respectful boundaries still apply. While the occasional phone call or text in the event of a big win (ie. a publishing deal) or a big emergency (ie. a sudden personal matter that will delay delivery of your work materials) is understandable, nonstop calls for every little question will not be appreciated. But you can take comfort in knowing that your coach is invested in your success and present to answer questions your publisher or agent might not be available to answer.

If you’ve been this kind of author in the past or fear you might possess some of the characteristics I’ve described, don’t worry. Being aware of these issues is the first step to becoming a better collaborator. Remember, the professionals in your circle want your book to succeed and their work will reflect that. Your book coach can help you with any bumps or gaps in the road.

Interested in hiring a book coach? Use my contact page or email me at hanna@hannaetu.com.

The Ethics of Profiting Off of Our Trauma

Writing books on grief, mental health, and trauma can be a tricky thing when it comes to earning money. We all need to pay the bills somehow, and many of us wish to do so by pursuing something we’re passionate about. But what if we’re passionate about telling our grief story (me)? What if we want to help others write about their own traumas with grief and mental health (also me)? It’s important to contemplate what it really means to make money—or even a living—off of our trauma.

First of all, we need to think about why we’re doing that work that we do. Why do you want to write a book about your struggles with mental health, your loss of a loved one, or another traumatic experience? Perhaps all of the trauma is welling up inside you, and writing is the only way to get it out. Maybe you’re concerned that what happened to you will happen to someone else, and sharing your story may do something to prevent that. You could be trying to reach other people who have had similar experiences to yours, to let them know that they’re not alone. Maybe you wish to bring awareness to a bigger issue.

Or, maybe you really do just want to write a bestseller and make lots of money. Is there something inherently wrong with that? Not necessarily. I’m not the absolute authority on this matter, but you have a right to handle your trauma as you wish. When others are involved, it becomes a little more complicated. Don’t try to own or dramatize the trauma of other people in your life for the sake of your potential bestselling book. That’s where it gets exploitative. If you have shared trauma with someone, tell it from your point of view, how you remembered it. The close people in your life will always be crucial in your narrative, but don’t forget to depict them in the context of your story. If they wish to share their perspective, that’s their choice.

This path of thought may lead you to decide to write fiction instead, and that’s okay too. Fictionalizing your memoir can help better anonymize you and the people you love and give you creative license to change identifying places, events, and plot points. You can even use fiction to explore other ways your story may have gone. Make sure, of course, that none of your characters are too identifiable, otherwise, someone may not be happy with the way they believe they were depicted.

Some successful writers I believe do excellent work in writing about their grief, mental health, and trauma are Nora McInerny, Jenny Lawson, Mary Karr, and David Sedaris. Nora McInerny’s entire brand is centered around grief and traumatic experiences, which obviously didn’t happen intentionally. After her father, husband, and expected infant all died in the same year, McInerny started a nonprofit called “Still Kickin’” to help people experiencing difficult life events. This spiraled into writing a book (followed eventually by two more) and starting a podcast where she interviews people who have experienced awful things. You could easily say that she profits off of tragedy, given the success of her books and sponsorships of her podcast. But she’s doing so much more; she’s starting conversations about the ugliest, saddest parts of life that most people don’t want to openly discuss. She’s created a community for people suffering loss and fostered humor even around some of the darkest subjects.

Jenny Lawson has done something similar with her books. She’s written three hilarious books that discuss her challenges with mental illness, the most recent of which—Broken (in the Best Possible Way)—embraces the community that her first two books formed. Lawson’s work developed a wide group of readers who could, for the first time, not feel ashamed of their introverted tendencies, intrusive thoughts, or crippling social anxiety. By just putting herself entirely “out there,” she was able to bring people together.

The impact of Mary Karr and David Sedaris’s writings on grief and trauma is more about the craft itself. Karr has written three memoirs, the first being The Liars’ Club, where she depicts an unconventional, difficult childhood. She manages to capture her younger voice as well as her mother’s and sister’s so authentically that you trust her completely. Her carefully crafted sentences are consistent throughout all of her books in a way that the reader knows that this story was just begging to be told.

David Sedaris is authentic in a slightly different way. He’s simply honest about his feelings and failings, even if they might place him in a negative light. In his book Calypso, Sedaris writes about the last time he saw his sister Tiffany before she committed (his preferred language, not mine) suicide. After four years of not speaking to each other, she’d come to one of his readings and tried to see him backstage. Instead of greeting her, he slammed the stage door in her face. So, yes, Sedaris is one of the most successful personal essayists working today; this is mostly thanks to his humor, but also for his honesty about his own shortcomings.

So, should we profit off our trauma? I don’t think most of us set about doing so, not that it can’t be one reason for writing a memoir. If you possess the strength to truly examine your most devastating moments, it can definitely feel worthwhile to be compensated for it. But more importantly, think about your “why,” what kind of social impact you’re trying to make, and who you’re trying to reach. Think about how genuinely and honestly you are telling your story from your perspective. Try to keep asking yourself these thought-provoking questions throughout the writing and publication processes, and your vision should become clearer.

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Featured Photo by Reynaldo #brigworkz Brigantty.